It's Just Different with Preemies

Yesterday, I was having a conversation with Matt's mom, who had stopped by to visit Shulamith and Matt and Swen. The two new parents were downstairs catching some desperately-needed sleep, and I had Swen upstairs, so Dawn sat down for a while to visit. It's always nice to talk with her. As we talked, our focus turned from making strawberry freezer jam together (Yum!) to how life is going with Baby Swen. In our conversation, it occurred to me how very different the experience of Swen's birth and homecoming has been from that of my own five children. I never had a premature baby. All my kids took their own sweet time making an appearance; all were a week late, and averaging 9 pounds, they were half grown by the time they were born. They never wore newborn clothes or diapers. They never had to struggle to gain weight. I didn't know how easy I had it.

I never had to worry about many of the things Shulamith does. It's just different with preemies. With premature infants, weight gain is always the first and foremost issue. All newborns needs to gain weight, of course, but with preemies, it's critical. Full term babies have sufficient stores that they can afford to lose a little weight as they wait for their mother's milk to come in; preemies don't have that luxury. And getting them to gain is no easy task. First, their little mouths are often so tiny that they struggle to latch on correctly and suck effectively. Every time she nurses, I hear Shulamith encouraging her little one: "Big mouth, Swen. Come on, open wide. You can do it!"

In addition, there is the issue of calories consumed versus calories burned. With my babes, I didn't have to worry about conserving energy. No, I didn't let my babies cry; I don't believe in leaving babies to cry regardless of the situation. Still, if they happened to cry for half a second while I put down whatever I was doing to go to them, I didn't have to fear they were burning too many calories. It takes lots of energy to cry. Preemies, therefore, need to be kept calm. And warm. Because calm, warm babies grow. On the other hand, if they are too calm and warm, they tend to want to sleep rather than wake up and feed. Gracious, it's complicated! How do you win?

The answer is through commitment, perseverance, and unwavering determination. Shulamith and Swen are winning the feeding game because of her constant attention and concern for his unusual needs as a preemie. Though still recovering from HELLP Syndrome, a dangerous complication of preeclampsia, not to mention the normal recovery that goes with any C-section and the sleep deprivation that comes with any newborn, she continues to make Swen's feeding needs her constant priority, even when it's hard. It has taught her that she can do hard things. It's not easy to wake a sleeping newborn in the middle of the night when you are so very, very tired, yourself. But Swen needs to eat at a minimum every 3 hours, and if he doesn't wake up himself, she needs to wake him. And she does.

She and I took him to the doctor today for a weigh-in, just to reassure ourselves, and I'm thrilled to report that he now weights a whopping 6 lbs. 5 ozs. He has gained 5 ounces in just 4 days, which is positively fabulous. We celebrated with drive-thru McDonald's ice-cream cones and Diet Cokes on our way home. We will both sleep easier tonight. Well, I should probably say I will sleep easier because Shulamith doesn't actually get to sleep much. But she will rest easier knowing all her effort is paying off. Through her incredible commitment, she will be able to give her little baby what she believes is the best start possible, exclusively breast milk for the first year.

I have always been proud of my daughter. So many occasions have made me proud. When she called me from a friend's house and asked me to come get her because the girls at the middle school party were going to watch an R-rated movie, I was proud. When she rose above the endless drama and led her cheer squad to accomplish great things, I was proud. When she walked across the stage and received her bachelor's degree from Westminster College, I was proud. When she entered the temple with her wonderful husband-to-be, I was proud. But I'm pretty sure I have never been as proud of her as I have been these past three weeks as I've witnessed her unyielding and relentless love and care for her little son. It's just different with preemies. And this precious preemie is so very lucky to have the mom he does.